Secondhand Love
by DanceInLightening
Summary: No Haru was not stupid. She knew that she was being used. But she would rather burn herself out for him then never have him again. Or maybe it was the other way around? Was she the flame burning him out? She doesn't know anymore. And she doesn't care.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this. Okay? Okay.

Haru was not stupid. Despite what antics she may get herself into she knew more about life then most of the people in her class. Hell more than most, if not all, of the people in her school. Sure she may sometimes put on outrageous outfits, make embarrassing faces and sounds, and laugh a little louder than was appropriate, but she was not stupid.

When she was 14 her life was changed forever. On a day like any other she ran into a scrawny boy with gravity defying brown hair. He was by all accounts a seemingly less than average individual. He did not even really register on her radar until she noticed his young traveling companion. And when she learned of the way that the young boy may have been harassing the infant she had to step in.

But the brown haired boy was not like he appeared. When Haru was in danger he had saved her. He became the knight in shining armor that she had always dreamed of. He even carried her bridal style! She became devoted to him on that day, and a small crush bloomed in her chest.

After that, well, the rest was history. She came to know the brown haired boy and the others that he surrounded himself with. Before she knew it she was a part of his group, and he was an integral part of her life. His smiles made her heart move at unknown speeds. His laughs made her blush darker than the roses she would see in her mothers garden.

The crush had developed into love.

That was not to say that she never questioned the boy, in fact she doubted him several times. But he never showed any reason for her fears to be founded. Everything she doubted about him was swept away almost as soon as it appeared by the boys kind and caring nature.

But then she would see him bruised and bandaged and she wondered. How could she not wonder? Here was this wonderful, strong person getting covered in bandages. And it would not only be him but the other boys he hung out with as well. When she found out the truth all she wanted to do was cry.

The mafia?!

How could a boy like him be pulled into something like that?! It made no sense and her mind could not grasp it. But her heart could oh so easily. She knew what kind of a person he was, and he would do absolutely anything to protect those around him. If he needed to join the mafia to do that she knew that he would, even if it was not the path he would have chosen.

And the more she learned of him and his battle the more that she fell for him until she was in too deep. She knew that she was seen as young and yes, stupid, but she wasn't. She knew what love was because she felt it practically rushing through every vein, every cell in her body when he so much as looked at her.

She tried to hide her affections for him with light hearted gestures that were wholly superficial. How was he supposed to take her confessions seriously half of the time? Well he wasn't. He couldn't. The boy could not deny that she liked him, but he could never know how much he truly meant to her.

Because he loved another.

And what was worse was that Haru liked the other girl, Kyoko. She was kind like the boy and had a sense of justice that very few would ever accomplish. She was loving and motherly much like the boys own mother. And when Kyoko smiled she could wrap boys around her finger with absolutely no effort. She was in an essence every good Japanese boys dream. Haru knew that she was not like the other girl in this way. And she knew things about the other girl that made her want to cry in desperation.

While Kyoko was all of the things stated above Haru knew that she was not right for the boy she loved. The girl was too kind for the mafia that the boy was already neck deep in. That world would chew her up and spit her out as if she were nothing. Haru did not want that life for her friend, and she hated the idea that the boy may feel guilty for tarnishing the other girls light. Not to mention the fact that the girl was to naïve and she never seemed to learn about the dangers of what was going on around her.

So when the two had started dating in ninth grade she tried to be as supportive as she could. She knew that both of them would need someone they could come to, and she wanted to make sure that they knew that she would always be there. For a while though everything was happy and peaceful. A year passed and the couple remained strong, despite some trials and tribulations thrown their way.

Then they entered high school and things began to change. Kyoko started to smile less and Tsuna looked strained. After a month of weird behavior Haru invited Kyoko over and demanded the details of what was going on. What was causing the two people she loved most to act such a way?

It was then and there that Kyoko snapped for the first time. Haru had never seen her friend angry, not like this. It was a near murderous rage and it did not seemed to be centered around concern. She raved and ranted about how stupid Tsuna was, how he never noticed her little hints or the subtle things she tried to do for him. And when he did notice and tried to do something nice for her in return there was always an obstacle with doing it. She was just so tired of putting in so much effort and not getting anything back in return.

Haru just sat there and listened, taking in what her friend had to say. On one level she was angry at the other girl. Did she not see how hard Tsuna was working in the relationship as well?! He tried so hard to make the other girl happy. And the inconveniences? She had known when she started dating him exactly who he was and what responsibilities he held. She had known, but she had said yes anyway.

But at the same time the girl was only 16 and any girl at that age wants to be pampered. Hell even Haru dreamed of perfect dates, and of the times Tsuna had saved her. How could she blame the girl for wanting that side of a relationship as well? For wanting what she had seen on television since she knew what the word romance meant?

Haru could only give her one piece of advice. "Maybe you two need a break? I'm not saying stop dating completely, but give yourselves some space and find out what you really want. You have to be fair to both you and Tsuna-san. You should both be happy."

Kyoko, finally settling down, smiled. "Oh Haru! You always know what to say. I just, I need a little space you know? I know I love him, but I just feel so frustrated lately. Maybe a couple of days apart will make everything clearer."

The next day Kyoko took Tsuna aside after school and broke up with him.

The day after that Tsuna showed up on Haru's doorstep. He looked uncertain if he should be there but Haru led him upstairs and too her room. When she was about to offer to bring up some snacks Tsuna started going off.

He started to ramble on about women and how since Haru was a girl and Kyoko's friend she had to understand what was going on. From his point of view it seemed like a month ago out of the blue the other girl had started to become distant. She would barely smile at him and when she did it was strained. He tried to go out of her way to make her feel better and it never seemed to work. He was just so angry, and confused about the whole situation.

"So what is going on?" He called out to Haru. It was a cry of help from a desperate man.

"Well." She replied trying not to expose what Kyoko had told her in confidence. "Kyoko and I are both just sixteen. We want impossible things like we saw on T.V but we know how the real world works. She is just a bit confused, but she still loves you. Give her some time and space and she will come back to you."

She hated to say it, but it was the truth. She knew that the two would be back together by the end of the week. And they were.

But it was not the same. The couple kept having problems, getting back together and breaking up again after only a few months. The same problems kept coming up time over time and it was wearing both of them thin. The couple would keep coming to her for advice and she would stitch them back together like she did her costumes. Inside Haru could feel herself being torn apart each time she fixed them. Each time she fixed such a toxic relationship. And even though she hated to admit it she was jealous of them, not matter how messed up their love was.

And soon enough the sadness and regret they used to bring with them when they turned to her, morphed into anger. They were breaking like a dropped porcelain doll. All three of them. And Haru could not stop it.

Then one night he kissed her.

He had been so angry that none of the lingering regret shown through. Some thugs had accosted the couple on the street seeing them as a weak target and Tsuna had protected them. After that Kyoko lost the good mood she had been in and refused to talk to the boy. She broke up with him via text message when she arrived home. And Tsuna had come storming to Haru's house. He really was lucky that her parents were out for the week due to her father speaking at a conference.

He got so worked up she thought that he may go into dying will mode out of pure rage alone. He went on about how he could not understand how she could get so worked up over a minor show of violence.

"You wouldn't react like that, would you Haru?" He questioned, his tone heavy with rage.

"H-Hahi?! Of course not. Tsuna-san fights to protect people!" Haru replied quickly.

Tsuna spit out his next question. "And you understand what the mafia is like right? I clearly explained it to both you and Kyoko?"

Haru only paused for a moment before responding. "Yes Tsuna-san but why are you asking?"

"How are you and her so different then? How can you accept it so easily when she can't?" Desperation was finally seeping into his voice. And without thinking Haru answered.

"Because I care about you more and I don't care what you have to do. I know you are a good person Tsuna-san, a few actions don't change that."

Maybe it was the way she said it, or the look she had on her face but he was in front of her in no time flat. Then his hands cupped her face and his lips were on hers. It was heaven. It was not kind or gentle, like she had imagined kissing him would be. The kiss was rough and demanding and everything she had not known she needed until that moment. They gripped each other tighter, not wanting to let go of their lifelines. Haru was drowning in him and it felt so wonderful. Eventually they had to break away for air.

Haru expected him to get shy and bashful and to retreat. Instead he moved his hands so one was on the nape of her neck and the other was on her waist. Then he pulled her in again. Like the first kiss this one was just as violent but she felt less like she was drowning and more like she was floating. She practically begged her knees not to buckle as she leaned into him.

She did not know what she expected after that night. He had left after their fourth heated embrace, his face finally flushing like she imagined it would. She had gone to bed giddy about what it had meant, thinking of what may come of it. She never expected the couple to get back together the next day as if nothing had happened.

After that a new routine started. Whenever Tsuna wanted to talk about the Mafia he no longer went to his girlfriend but to Haru instead. The two continued to grow closer still, though there was never mention of the night when Tsuna had obviously lost control. It was more than Haru could ask for at that point, after all she never liked the idea of being the 'other woman'.

Especially when she would be hurting her friends so much.

Tsuna and Kyoko's relationship had never seemed better. Both were always happy and smiling. They all graduated high school and were in college together and life was perfect. The couple seemed well on the way to an engagement when once more things went sour. Kyoko called for another break and Tsuna lost it once more. This time he was not angry just sad and resigned and so void of hope.

Haru kissed him first this time. She could never take his tears.

But Tsuna started the second. And the third. He was the one that lead her over to her bed. The one that had climbed on top of her while kissing down her neck. The one that made her feel precious and perfect for the first time in her life.

Haru was expecting what came next when she woke up and he was not there beside her. She knew that he was crawling back to Kyoko and that he would not be with her the way she wanted him too. She never cried as hard as she did when she came to that realization.

But it did not stop them from doing it again.

And again.

It seemed Kyoko was back to her on again off again ways. Each time she would break it off Tsuna would show up to Haru's place and things would start of innocently enough. Haru trying to council him through it like old times. Then their eyes would lock, and one of them would move, and it was game over. Neither of them could fight it, Haru wasn't even sure if she had the strength to anymore.

After all she had earned these little snatches of happiness and no one could tell her otherwise.

Tsuna and Kyoko did get engaged, at a family picnic in the spring. Everyone was ecstatic for the couple, except for Haru. But she had long ago learned to hide her jealousy and pride well. She just hoped that this time it would last, or end for good. She hated forever being on the edge of being his everything and nothing.

But it seemed that it was not to be. Tsuna no longer showed up for relationship advice, in fact it was going well with Kyoko for all intents and purposes. But after his first kill, he came to Haru not Kyoko, when he was covered in another man's blood. She had taken him in and got him out of his blood stained clothes and forced him into the shower. When he exited the bathroom with only a tower on Haru broke and against all of her better judgment kissed him.

Just one last time, she thought. To say good-bye.

But he hadn't pushed her away, instead he had clung to her much like he had the night of their first kiss. Once more she was trapped under his spell.

Haru became the person that the man found comfort in, both physical and emotional. After each kill he would come to her and she would do as she did the first night. Always half hoping he would respond to the kiss she gave him after he showered, and half hoping he would push her away. He always pulled her in. And as always he was gone in the morning.

All too quickly it was a month before his wedding and he had come in her front door like he owned the place. To be honest he practically did since he owned her heart. He walked closer to her and placed his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. She saw so many things reflected on those brown eyes she could never name them all.

"Haru, we should stop this. It's not fair. It's not right." Tsuna said looking at the brunette before him.

Haru just smiled in return, like she did not already know that. "I will when you will Tsuna-san."

"I can't promise you anything Haru. I feel something for you, but I love Kyoko too, and we are getting married." He intoned looking deeper into her eyes.

"That doesn't mean that this doesn't feel right." She replied a smile gracing her lips. Because it did feel right as much as it felt terrible and Haru could take the good with the bad. She had learned how.

Their lips met again, both moving forward in tandem, and the cycle continued.

No Haru was not stupid. She knew that she was being used. But she would rather burn herself out for him then never have him again. Or maybe it was the other way around? Was she the flame burning him out? She doesn't know anymore. And she doesn't care.


End file.
